At some point I decided to stop being depressed. That might not be scientifically or clinically valid, and it took longer to see it through, but that’s about roughly how I experienced it, or at least remember it. I remember immiserating in bed one Saturday morning, spiraling darkly, stagnant. And then a mental sigh, and: “I’m tired of this.” I got up. I got dressed. I went for a walk. I felt better when I got back, though not the whole day. The next day I got up and made myself go walk again. I felt better.
It probably wasn’t just the walking. Therapy and experience and maturity chipped in, but the walking gave them fresh soil to grow in. Every day, every day, every day: outside.
And then one day earlier this week I realized, “…I… didn’t go outside yesterday!”. No special reason, just distractedly busy with other things. It had been least 1742 days, along with several years of habit before I started logging it. Annoying to forget, but also: I didn’t need it. It’s not the life-raft it used to be. Today I’m a different person with different needs, and it’s time to give those attention in different ways, new streaks yet to start.
(A nice bookend for how I started the year: remembering when I need to ignore myself.)
I hate when there’s standing water around the house. I always squeegee the shower before I leave. And I hate when pools linger under the dish rack, or on countertops. We have a robo-coffee machine at work and I always dump the drip tray first thing every morning. Then I had a realization where it might come from. This might be a just-so story but I think it makes sense: mosquitos. Life-long nemesis, largely disappeared from daily life, but still shaping my behavior.
Art
Landscape, oil on canvas by Rufino Tamayo. The Shortest Day, book illustrations by Carson Ellis. Cutting the Stone (The Extraction of the Stone of Madness), oil on board by Hieronymus Bosch.
Books
The English and Their History. Still a great read. When we get to newer periods, I’ll probably drop and switch to other books. I’m really curious about the ~300–1300CE time period.
Running
Running early before sunrise is a pretty decent replacement for running late at night, which I don’t do much anymore. Similar quiet, calm, place-to-your-self feeling. Looks like I’ll end the year with around ~950 miles, much less than last year and annoying short of a nice round number.
Around the Web
Growth matters and The only number that really matters.
“When I finish a book, I immediately read the first 10 pages of a new one so I am
never between books.”
Why we love Jane Austen more than ever after 250 years. “It was Austen who gave us the perfect art of a socially realistic novel about people having to overcome their inner problems—rather than having to overcome problems imposed upon them by the world.”
On Reading Proust’s In Search of Lost Time. Maybe a 2026 project?
Terence Malick’s disciples. Always read Bilge Ebiri!
Cold cases in the AI era. “The cold case genre delivers a kind of satisfaction more appropriate to the AI era than the cozy mystery genre, first because of the forensic software tech, the genealogy databases, document analysis systems, etc., and second, because audiences want stories about human judgment, about deciding what matters and what does not.”
Bad policy leads to ghost apartments.
Music
The Acid, Liminal. There’s a bit of kinship here with Thom Yorke’s The Eraser in this particular flavor of vocals + electronics mix. “Tumbling Lights“, “Ghost“, “Red” – all great.
Folk Physics, Parallels.
Bach, Six Sonatas for Organ, BWV 525–530 perf. Aart Bergwerff. I really like this organ, very warm.
Bach: The Toccatas perf. Jonathan Ferrucci.
Movies
The Commuter. Good clean fun. Very happy with how they shot the close-quarters fighting.
The Shop Around the Corner. Takes a while to get momentum but it’s a good one. Saw this at Metrograph and remembered that I really really need to go there more often.
TV
The X-Files, s5e1x “Kill Switch“. Rogue AI!
Line of Duty, s5e3–4. This show will wind you up and break your heart.
Mark Larson 